Another option for breaking the gloss on the top would be wet-dry paper or automotive rubbing compound. Start with a fine grit (600, 800, or even 1000) and just water as a lube. Rinse off and let dry to see the results. You can get small sheets of very fine grit wet-dry paper at most automotive parts stores. If you have a Car-Quest in your area, (or an automotive paint store) they usually have up to 2000 grit in full sheets
If the "high gloss poly" on the top is a factory finish, there are a lot of possibilities as to what that coating really is. It could be a water-borne acrylic, an oil based varnish, a two-component catalyzed coating, or even a catalyzed lacquer. Each has its own hardness and resistance to abrasion, so best to experiment first if you can.
Regardless of what you try for the top, I would experiment on the bottom portion first (if it is finished the same as the top) until I got the desired result. That area will get painted later, so will hide the experimentation. You may find a ROS is too efficient (i.e. aggressive) so you may do better with hand sanding with a rubber sanding block, altho a ROS will give a more even result with the very fine grit wet-dry paper.
If it gets messed up, you always have the option of resanding and putting a satin poly on it. If starting from bare sanded wood, build up the coating with gloss poly until you have an even gloss across the entire surface, and only use the satin for the final coat (brush application) or final two coats (wipe-on/spray), to achieve the best clarity of finish.
If going with the "satin" top coat, you may want to do a test piece first. Some brand's "satin" matches another's "semi-gloss". Also, your wife's "satin" may be different than what comes out of the can. Sometimes trying to communicate a desired level of gloss is like trying to nail jello to a wall.
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