How to cook a hog: Recipe for 200 lb. Hog. Feeds 60 people + 1 lb take home for all 60.
For those that like Bar-B-Que, but really don't want to know the details, and those that love any animal, please exit now. (Admins, please see note at step 4)
Items needed: Hog, Wood Cooker, Pig Cooker, Wood, Square nosed shovel, Bathtub, 50 lbs of Ice, 2 boxes of salt, 1 box of cayenne pepper, 1 box black pepper, jug of vinegar, sugar, Quart bottle of your friends' favorite beverage.
Day 1.
Step 1: Make pig cooker if you do not have one:
Option: Take 200 gal heating oil tank (empty), lay on side and cut hole in top surface from end to end and even with top side of curve. Cut second hole wider than shovel and from bottom edge up 2/3rds of height. I/3rd down from top, blow 8 1/2” or larger holes evenly spaced down length of drum with cutting torch. Stick ¼ – 1/2” rebar rods through holes long enough to span both sides. Cover bottom with 1” of sand. Manufacture cover from corrugated metal sheet roofing large enough to cover top hole.
Step 2: Make Wood cooker if you do not have one:
Option: Take 55 gal metal drum. Set on ground with bung hole side down and bung plugs removed. Cut out top surface. Cut a hole 1' high by more than width of shovel in bottom of side. Put 1/2” diameter holes evenly spaced around drum at 15” height from bottom. Insert 1/4” rebar through holes to make a 4 x 4 lattice.
Step 3: Cut wood. ½ cord of oak is more than sufficient. (Hickory is acceptable, but oak is easier to cut and is the Genuine wood). Pieces should be of a diameter as large as your forearm or larger. Branch wood is as acceptable as split wood. Cross dimension of pieces should not exceed ¼ diameter of drum. 1 arm load of small wood will be needed to start fire (½ bag charcoal can be substituted)
Step 4: Procure full hog, dressed weight of 200 lbs.
Second warning: For those that like Bar-B-Que, but really don't want to know the details, and those that love any animal, please exit now. (administrators feel free to eliminate the following paragraph)
If hog is alive: Dispatch hog, hang and bleed, and scrape off hairs. The inside (flat) portion of a Mason canning lid aided with boiling water works well for this. Gut hog. Leave kidneys or other desired sweetmeats attached if you are partial to these. Split hog from snout to tail through spine but not through skin. (A thick Machete and a wooden mallet works well for this).
Step 5: Make sure spouse and kids have had their evening shower/bath. Place hog in bathtub with 50 lbs ice, ½ box of salt, and water to cover.
If you are prone to take a nip, do it tonight as you won't be able to tomorrow.
Day 2. Sleep late: You have a long night ahead. Finish Day 1 prep that isn't done. Gather all materials except hog at cooking location. Choose location that has no close brush/woods that will catch fire. Obtain burn permit if necessary.
5:00 PM. Start fire in wood cooker and load it up with full sized wood up to top. Remove hog from bathtub, dry, and rub inside and out with salt and black pepper.
6 PM Place hog on rebar in cooker with skin side up. Shovel coals out of bottom of wood cooker with shovel to put an even single layer of coals across bottom of cooker through hole in end. Cover cooker with tin sheet.
6:00 – midnight: continue to feed wood cooker to supply enough coals to spread them scattered evenly across bottom of cooker. (Evenly means 2” sized coals about 3” distance between them, possibly up to 5” depending on ambient temp). Enjoy the company of all the friends who want to “Cook a hog” as they get snockered on the beverage. Keep an eye on the bottle as you will need it tomorrow after it is emptied. You drink water, tea, or coffee (non-alcoholic beverage of choice). Heat under tin cover should be uncomfortable to bare hand, but not so high you cannot hold your hand at the top of the hog).
Day 3:
Midnight – 2 AM: Put out the fire on your buddy's pants leg when he insists on helping spread the coals. Apply first aid as necessary. Keep wood cooker stoked and keep coals spread under hog. Retrieve empty quart bottle and rinse it out and sterilize neck.
2 AM – 7 AM : Keep on keepin' on, Enjoy the stars and night sounds, and tuck the blanket around your passed out friends. Plan out the next WW project.
7 AM: Wake up the Old friends and send them home as the Early Bird friends are about to arrive to help. Instruct the first Early Bird on how to help with wood stoking and coal spreading. Take a break for a cuppa joe and breakfast if possible.
10 AM: Take quart bottle and fill it with ½ cup salt, ½ – 1 cup Cayenne pepper, 1/2 cup sugar and vinegar to fill. Shake well.
Flip: When thickest part of hog (haunch) is too hot to keep your hand on the skin, Flip hog over with inside up. Sprinkle liberally with contents of quart bottle. Pick out tongue and cheek meat for a snack. Increase coal density to double what it is. Now is the time to rescue the Sweet Meats for those that like them.
Flip + ½ hour. Check skin side to make sure “cracklins” (skin) are not burning but are starting to blister. Adjust heat as necessary.
Flip + 1 hour: Invite those special friends that really want to “Pig Pick” to come come pull off some delectables. Keep dousing with the quart bottle as necessary to keep top moist. Remove hog from grill, piece at a time, and chop skin, meat, together to get chopped Bar-B-Que. Ratio will determine moisture, etc, and is to taste. Douse with sauce as pallets determine. Chop up some skin for cracklin's (back and thickest part of hams will probably be best).
Flip + 2 hours. Make sure fire is out, coals are cold, you have had something to eat, and grab a beverage of choice.
Flip + 3 hours.: Crash for a couple hours.
Day 4: Swear you won't do this again but know its not true. Kinda like a tough WW project. You will do it again because you CAN!!
JMTCW
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