This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

[ashley_phil]

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Target


quote Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 .. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares.. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14.. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ...

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,

Target Dept. Store

[DavidF]

I didn't do it!!!!!!

Is this libel? can I sue Target - anybody!!

David FENTON!

[Mark Anderson]

well if they can't take a joke i'm not shopping at target anymore.

[Douglas Robinson]

Now thats funny, I don't car what ya say. I'm sorry Lord and bless all the pigmys in New Guniea.

[lottathought]

I blame the wife.
She knew who she was taking to shop.

[sediener]

Those are some good ideas...

[Ray Martin]

Originally Posted by DavidF

I didn't do it!!!!!!

Is this libel? can I sue Target - anybody!!

David FENTON!

David,

Your wife must be so embarrassed. NOW where are you going to shop??


Ray

[sapwood]

Pssst, David!
Don't take Carol to Woodcraft

Roger

[DavidF]

Originally Posted by sapwood

Pssst, David!
Don't take Carol to Woodcraft

Roger

her eyes glaze over as we walk in the door - let alone Harbor freight!

[dozer]

Most of those reason are why my wife won't ask me to go shopping with her.

[DaveO]

Originally Posted by sediener

Those are some good ideas...

Yea, I'm taking notes. This could be very helpful in my quest to never shop with the wife anymore
She generally doesn't like me to go anyway, she says I get grumpy very quickly. That's plan A, plan B will be to escalate to more drastic measures

Dave

[Travis Porter]

I have finally learned the secret to going shopping with the wife. We drive separately!

[McRabbet]

My wife and I have a good shopping arrangement -- when she stops at a Talbots or Coldwater Creek or another ladies clothing store, I sit in the car and read. When we stop at a woodworking store, she sits in the car -- great arrangement and I don't need to be as creative as Mr. Fenton was!

[Gofor]

Originally Posted by Travis Porter

I have finally learned the secret to going shopping with the wife. We drive separately!

Travis: You have broken the code. Thats what we do and life is more pleasant for both of us. About the only place we hit together is Sams Club.
However, I also know that on that rare occasion that the LOML says WE need to go to Lowes, I know I am in DEEP DUDU, 'cause it means we ain't spendin' money on tools, but we are gonna spend money on some "little" project that will grow into a major effort on my part. I know we are suffering from a drought, but I dread its end, because than those awful terms "Flower beds" and "Landscaping" will again worm their way into our conversations. She picks the plants. She picks the location. That is the end of her involvement. Personally, I like weeds. They grow with no attention. The lawn machine cuts em down to size, they stop erosion, and they are FREE.

Go.

[DaveO]

Originally Posted by Gofor

I know we are suffering from a drought, but I dread its end, because than those awful terms "Flower beds" and "Landscaping" will again worm their way into our conversations.
Go.

Just hire someone

Dave